Days when everything hurts

There are days where everything hurts and it seems like you can not escape the pain. Days that look so bleak you hardly know if it is worth carrying on. You feel like a burden to everyone around you and you get tired of having to tell people that you hurt. Tired of trying to explain your self and your chronic pain, you just get tired of talking about it and wishing it was gone. You feel alone and you try to reach out but your not exactly sure how to or that you'll be heard.

It is easy to let chronic pain rule your life, it's easy to feel alone and scared.  I find myself thinking about why God has allowed me to have this pain and what I did wrong to deserve it.  It is in these times when I question my Faith with God the most and go astray so easily into a self-pity party.

"Before I was afflicted, I went astray. But now I keep Your words. It is good for me that I have been afflicted, That I may learn Your statutes. I know, O Lord, that Your judgments are right, And that in faithfulness You have afflicted me. " (Psalm 119: 67,71,75 - New King James Version)

However, it has also been this time that I have reflected on my life thus far and the paths I took to get where I am today. There has been a lot of decisions I made that I wish I could change, there are also some I am happy with. I would like to say that everything I wanted of life so far I received, but unfortunately, when I was younger I saw my life turning out differently than it is now.  With that being said, going forward I choose the path that God has written out for me.

You said to me, "I will point out the road that you should follow. I will be your teacher and watch over you." (Psalm 32:8 - Contemporary English Version ) 

As I go forward with God as my leader, I know to not be afraid as he is with me holding my hand.

"Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your GOD. I will strengthen you, Yes I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10 - New King James Version)

" For I am the Lord your God. I am holding your hand, so don't be afraid. I am here to help you. "(Isaiah 13 - Contemporary English Version ) 

©Jasmin Roussy