Death Knocked on the Door

Death knocked on my family’s door, even though it has knocked before we knew it was coming back. The hoped was to hold the door closed for a few more minutes, hours, days or years. This time the door was opened, and it came to end suffering and pain. In a moment she was gone and in its place was an unending sadness and void. We scramble to find some sort of reason or order to explain how one can move forward and which way to go. We lost a mother, wife and friend.  Loved ones come and go showing condolences and expressing the love she gave them. There is phone calls, cards and flowers that can fill a house or a room with condolences, but they never fill the void. 

Time .....it will take only time is some of the most common words to be spoken. Yet your heart still has this void. There is so much you would have said or done if you knew that it might be the last time u see each other.  My heart hurts and is sad, and I ask again how does one move forward from this open door.

I sit and pray:

"Father bring me into your light and peace. Take my broken heart and help me grieve. Wrap me in the palm of your hand and bring a wave of tranquility to my family during this time. Let each and every one who is touched by this loss receive this comfort and peace also. Help each of us honor her life and close the door for now, knowing that we will see each other again." 

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted"

(Matthew 5:4 - New King James Version)

"The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit."

(Psalm 34:18 - New King James Version)

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds"

(Psalm 147:3 - New King James Version)

I know that death is not the end but a part of the journey and one day we shall meet again in the house of our father. Until then I will remember in joy my time spent with her, cherish those memories and leave the door closed, until God opens it again. 

©Jasmin Roussy

Smoke Signals to God

The use of smoke as a signal is one of the oldest forms of visual communication.  It can be used over a long distance to transmit danger, news or bring people together. What smoke signals are we sending or not sending to God. 

I take time to reflect on what "stones" I am caring in my life, these are the things weighing me down and causing me to not be my best self or are holding me back from my relationship with God.  Each of these stones I place on the ground to form a perimeter for my fire. 

Inside the circle of stones, I place items that have been fueling these stones to weight me down and take control of my life. At first it is hard to identify the "fuel", I either lie to myself that there is nothing weighing me down or I take the stance that I can handle anything, I am strong and need no one's help. 

Being vulnerable is not a sign of weakness and I must constantly remind myself of this. With each stick I pick up and place inside the stones my load is lighter. Sometimes I almost want to reach in and take a stick back, I feel lost without it weighing me down. I know that my life will be better without it in the long run. 

Once the sticks are placed, I sit back and cry, I am overwhelmed. For so long I have allowed things to weight me down and keep me from being my best self. Being the person God has wanted me to be, not the person who I have become. 

"If we confess our sins, He is Faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9 - King James Version) 

God is my match and once I set ablaze these sticks and walk away from the weight of these stones. The smoke will reach all the way to heaven and my sins will be washed clean. My life through God can now start and I challenge others to send smoke signals to God. 

Felling Unworthy Rocky Seas

    Most of us have experienced in one time or another, the feeling of being unworthy, or that we need to prove our self-worth to everyone else but ourselves. 

    I have spent years growing and feeding the seed of unworthiness in my garden of negativity. Each morning and night I would till these fields and make them fertile for the next day.  There was not a time I remember ever waking up and saying or thinking that I am good enough, I was always trying to prove that I was. The thing is, it is impossible to change that feeling without changing the thought behind it, and worse of all if you do not know that this is a problem or your lying to yourself that it is okay to think this way. How are you ever going to change what you think is normal. 

"For as he thinks in his heart, so he is..." (Proverbs 23:7 - King James Version) 

Thinking you have no self-worth, sadly means that you truly believe you do not and in turn you are looking for that assurance from others. When all you need to remember that He loved us so much that we are called his Children. 

"Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the children of God. "(1 John 3:1 - King James Version)

God knows your value and worth, when you are down, he holds u in the palm of his hand so that the waves of life are not as rocky, but once we find our footings on the open waters. His hand never leaves us, it is always there to provide support and encouragement. We just need to look above and find peace in the waters that he parts for us. 

For we are worthy, now it’s just time we start believing and acting like we are. Weed out the garden of self-doubt and fill the fields with the seeds of God’s love. Create new pathways in your life that leads to positive thinking and outcomes. When someone tries to chuck over your garden fence some negativity and feelings of being worthless, remember to find refuge in God to weather the storm. 

©Jasmin Roussy

So, it begins

A journey starts with one step, but how to decide where that first step will land is the most important decision. 

 I wanted to be the person my husband could be proud of, I no longer wanted to be his "sick wife". Through our marriage I have been sick a lot and it no secret that stress is the major reason on why I was sick. Here are a few illnesses I have had:

• Shingles 
• Asthma 
• TIA - Mini Stroke
• Whooping Cough - More than once
• Pneumonia - Hospitalized on breathing machine
• Spinal Tap 
• Hemiplegic Migraines
• Anxiety Attacks
•  Back issues
• Multiple Kidney Stone
• Thyroid growths in neck

It is not a list to be proud of and I am sure I forgot some of them. So, for me, my journey started with finding out how I could deal better with stress, and for that I needed to rediscover myself. I needed to know my worth and why for so long I felt unworthy. Being unworthy was something that I have been dealing with through my whole life and I knew rising above it would not be easy. 

One day I was sitting and praying for help, I was in so much pain both mentally and physically that the thought of taking my life came across my mind numerous times daily. After a weeks of praying and pure rock bottom depression, I received a phone call from a local therapy business, I had visited their web site a few weeks prior and put my name on a waiting list for a bio feedback therapist, and now there was room for me to be one of her patients. 

Some say that not all prayers are answered. I believe that we are provided what we need, once we are ready to receive it and put the work in to keep it. 

©Jasmin Roussy

Where does one start

Where does one start to find themselves

Losing one's self happens to us all. In our daily lives most of us are all so busy and our body is struggling to keep up to the stress and pressure we put to it. The pace that we push our body and mind to is crazy and sadly each year that pace and demand increases. 

I myself got lost and for the last 11 years I have pushed my body and mind at the sacrifice of my health and family. Slowly I have become someone I do not recognize.  I know that the past can not be changed and the future is what is under our control. I write my future path and that imagery to me is so strong. 

Picture yourself on a open county road, the sweet smell of open fresh air blowing around you. Take it in, breath deeply and feel that moment, the calmness of it all. No noise, no distractions its just you. Now as you walk down the road, you come to a divergent, which direction or path should you take.  Take the one that will make you happy and fill you. That is the path you take. 

That is the imagery that directs my life, the path I choose is mine and is under my control. To me that is powerful. It has been so many years since I felt that I had control over my life. 

My journey starts here, and I welcome you all to join me along this journey. 

©Jasmin Roussy